stepping out of the light

Not everyone knows this about me, but up until recently I belonged to a secret mystical society called the Ancient Mystical Order Rosae Cruxis, or AMORC for short. Not only that, but I belonged to an inner organization called the Traditional Martinist Order, or TMO. About two and a half weeks ago I resigned from the fold, hung up my white cloak and descended back into the world of the profane. I belonged to AMORC since 1995, and TMO since 1999 or 2000. That's a long time to commit to a spiritual practice, only to decide that it no longer works for you. Ironically, I was climbing the ranks in the organization, and was taking on leadership roles when I had the ephiphany that I no longer needed the Order(s). The truth was, I had left the order in some regards about a year ago -- stopped reading my weekly lessons, and stopped any sort of practice. I think I used to be concerned with existential questions a lot more than I am now. I have also been doing Yoga since February, and it's had a profound affect on my outlook on spirituality and self. I don't need a complicated system to get in touch with my inner god(dess). I am not looking for mystical powers or eternal life. I mean -- I'll take them if I can get them, but I don't YEARN for them anymore. I really just want to live each moment of my life with love in my heart and with a smile on my face, and I realized I don't need to be part of an organization to get that. So, I have descended back into the world of the normals and left my secrets behind me. This is not to say I feel the work of the Order is invalid -- it is very much an effective process for those who are seeking and who are dilligent in their practice. It's just -- for me, I never could get past my rational mind in some regards, and for the part of me that lives on the spiritual plane, I am already where I want to be (or at least on the right path). I do feel a twinge of bittersweet leaving so abruptly, and leaving my fellow class leaders in a lurch. They now must scramble to find someone to fill my space for a commitment of no less than three years and up to six. But, I am not ultimately responsible for anyone else's spiritual evolution. I will miss a lot about being in AMORC, but in the end I liken it to scaffolding. Once the building is erected, it's time to kick the structural supports free and let the edifice stand on its own, for it's own glory.

Mostly, I feel free. I am entering a new phase in my life, and I am making all sorts of changes. This is only one of those changes. So, in a word -- I wish the best to my friends that I leave behind, and I welcome the world in my future. Let the light of eternal wisdom always shine upon you.

-- anifen scepticus