Philosophical Musings

Learning to Fly

2009-12-11T11:13:42Z

For those who know me, it's no secret that the last few months have been both the hardest and the most transformational of my entire life. I'm facing aspects of myself that have been with me almost my entire life, and are finally coming out to be noticed and counted, and finally (hopefully) resolved. As a part of my ever-growing activities to heal myself in both body and mind, I went to an acupuncturist/nutritionist/Chinese Medical Practitioner yesterday, and it was an opening and affirming experience. Some of the things that are surfacing in my therapy were reflected and confirmed in her diagnosis, and some root causes that stretch all the way back to being 5 years old were evident in my current condition. Health history was read and confirmed through her observations, and I feel like I'm going to be in strong and able hands moving forward in my discovery of health and who I need to be in the world. My first treatment was an interesting experience - I barely felt the ten needles that went into my body, some not at all, but as I sat there and allowed the treatment to do its work, I did feel a difference in my mood and my body feelings come over me, but what perhaps was the most surprising were the visions I started to have. One strong vision, was my flying like a super-charged hawk up the face of a cliff, the edge of a mesa, until I reached the top and landed. I turned and looked back over the precipice down what appeared to be a mile or more of distance. It was as if I were at the top of the Empire State Building, leaning over the edge and staring down into the drop. Now, normally I have vertigo in such a situation, and I wouldn't trust myself not to go toppling over the edge or feint or both. However, in my vision, I was unafraid and excited by the drop, and after staring over the edge for a time, I dived into the air and plummeted down the cliff face like those fly suit base jumpers, and cruised my way out and over the horizon. Upon returning to reality, I felt as if a layer of carried fear had been lifted from me, and that I was somehow more integrated than before. An exciting first step into acupuncture healing, for certain. I'm not going to question the source or the nature of my experience -- I will accept the gift, and move forward. Sometime in the future, I know I have to go skydiving.

A link, a new year, and a promise of future insight

2009-09-29T09:50:03Z

The last few months have been some of the most emotionally tumultuous of my entire life, and while I don't have the capacity to talk about it right now, nor can much of it be shared in blog format, I wanted to let you know that you can look forward to future insight from me here on the blog. I need to start expressing some of what's going on inside, and I'll be finding appropriate parts of my process to share in philosophical form :). In the meanwhile, let me share with you an awesome little mash-up clip starring the original Star Trek cast, and a very inventive tune by Fall On Your Sword: http://www.fallonyoursword.com/BackToTheShip.html Check it out and tell me if you're not ready to watch it twice!

Don't you forget about me

2009-08-07T18:13:46Z

So I just found out today that John Hughes died yesterday of a heart attack, and I tip a glass with nostalgia and sadness for the passing of a filmmaker that knew the voice of my generation and could express it so well. I think all of us in the 35-42 year range looked to john hughes films as personal anthem, wishful dreaming and magical transcendence in a time that we were worried about the same issues that were being shown to us on the screen, in an authentic yet sometimes surreal way. While not quite as strange as the Cusak films, Hughes skirted the edge of reality yet showed us something real and true. Plus, the unforgettable soundtracks by Simple Minds, Psychedelic Furs, etc. still play on non-stop somewhere in the recesses of my subconscious. Even though his films are set in a particular time an place, there is also something timeless about them that I know even my own children will be able to appreciate when they reach the right place in their lives. Thanks, John, for a job well done, and no more yanky my wanky, the Donger need rest!

Open-Mindedness

2009-07-17T16:27:58Z

This video I found on D'Arcy Norman's most excellent blog:

How to Kill Your Excuses | Zen Habits

2009-06-25T16:13:14Z

http://zenhabits.net/2009/06/how-to-kill-your-excuses/

This is a great blog post on how to get past your excuses. We all make them, we all try to shirk our own personal responsibility for the things we don't want to do, mostly because we're frightened or too lazy. Get off your good intentions and get out there! As Nike says, Just Do It!

Crowdsourcing my Health Good habit #2: Accountability

2009-06-22T16:20:16Z

Well, let me just say that this first month has been a bit of a disaster. I've been nursing an injured Achilles tendon all month long, and my knee has also been giving me problems, plus my general lack of focus and finishing up the end of school with the kids has kept me from creating a healthy habit of daily exercise. I've gotten some in here and there, but it hasn't been daily. I'll be carrying this habit into this coming month, along with this month's new habit. I know that the two magic ingredients of losing weight and getting healthy are increased exercise and healthier eating, and there are more formulas for healthy eating than there are things to eat. There have been so many suggestions from the Crowd on what to eat, what not to eat, what to avoid, what to include, that it's been hard to sift through them all, and I felt it something that I need to claim for myself, instead of leaving it up to the crowd. Mostly, I need to own this whole process. I've been on prolonged fasts where I've taken in nothing but fruit and vegetable juices for nearly 3 months and did so with perfect willpower, and yet I have the hardest time avoiding the tasty fatty nasty things that I love to eat so well. I've read two books recently that have influenced my attitude about eating and diet extremely - the first is In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto and the second is The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite, and each in their own way have caused me to seek a diet of whole foods with a minimum of processing, and to not sweat the particulars of what is high in carbs, what is high in fat, or protein, omega-16, or whatever and to trust the wisdom of our ancestors and our bodies to defend against the obesity epidemic that is such a modern contrivance, and has found its bloom at the same time as nutritionist science. But first things first. What I need to do more than anything is to make myself aware of what it is that I'm eating, and once I get a sense of my natural habits, I can create rules for myself that make sense, that identify and deal with my individual eating 'problems', by replacing them with healthy habits. Right now, my objective is to keep a notebook and to record everything I eat this month, starting today. I have kept a record for the last week, however missing a few days here and there because I didn't have my notebook on me. I need to be able to answer anyone's questions: 'What did you eat today' and 'What exercise did you do today?, even if the answer is 'a vat of Cheetos' and 'sat on my butt and flipped channels'. I need to divorce my guilt from my reality, and stop hiding from the truth because I don't like it. So, I ask my public - help me in keeping track of my eating habits, and know that I'm trying to change my eating habits, so as I start to declare positive changes, help me follow through. Ask me what I've eaten today, or what I did for exercise. If I say 'No more sweets after 8pm', or 'no more meat on tuesdays', hold me to it. So instead of polling everyone on what I should do, this month I just ask you to hold me to what I've decided to do. I do also need some suggestions for exercise that doesn't involve putting stress on my Achilles or knees, as they are still healing and enflamed. Wish me luck.

Crowdsourcing my health: Good Habit #1 - Exercise 20/30 mins a day

2009-05-20T19:00:44Z

I have put it out to the universe, I have built a poll, and the official result is in. You have voted that I should exercise every day for 20-30 minutes. I will start this today, and run it for a month, giving results. Unfortunately, about a week ago I pulled my Achilles tendon so my mobility is limited, but I will do what I can without further injuring myself. Today I'm going to go for a 30 minute walk, albeit slowly. It's time for me to start collecting suggestions for June/July. Please start posting your ideas, and I will add them to the greater list. I'll collect suggestions for 2 weeks, then I'll put together another poll and get your votes. For a benchmark, I broke the ongoing detente between myself and the scale and made the fateful weigh-in at 248. Damn, that sucks. I know it's the eating and lack of exercise that have brought me back to this state, and this is why I have to institute the good habits. I'll keep you posted on how this month goes. Also, if anyone has a list of really good exercises to work into my routine, please let me know.

Crowdsourcing my health and well-being for May-June 2009

2009-05-05T04:08:49Z

It's time, I've collected my suggestions, and I am running this poll for a week:

Online Surveys & Market Research

Crowdsourcing my health and well-being

2009-04-20T07:58:09Z

Hello everyone, long time no blog. I know. There goes that resolution :). So, it's 1 am, I've just flown back from Colorado, and I'm sick again. Got some head/sinus/chest cold thing at the drop of a hat. It seems like my health has been horrible for this entire year so far, and I've had enough. Every time I get healthy, it seems to be an unstable health that falls down at the first sign of weakness, either lack of sleep or excess of one sort or another - my youthful constitution has waned and now I am failing my health rolls much more frequently. It's officially 4/20, and while I haven't partaken of the ritual sacrament, I've got a 'holy' thought that I'm willing to enact. Each month for the next year, I will poll you, my readers, for one thing that I can adopt as a healthy habit or one bad habit to break, to increase my overall health and well-being. I'll collect up your suggestions, take the top 5 items, and put them on a poll which you will all then vote on. Given the assumption that the chosen behavior isn't f*cking crazy, and that I am physically capable of doing it, I'll try it for a month, and if it shows some positive affect in my life, I'll keep it. I'll give reports back on my progress, and you will collectively be my accountability coaches. Is it a deal? Okay - starting now, I'll collect up suggestions for the next 2 weeks, then post the top 5 suggestions on a poll for the next week after that, and I will announce the winner and start performing it 5/20. Rules: 1) I'm an overweight, out of shape dude with very little proclivity to activity - don't kill me out of the gate here. Give me achievable goals. 2) I'm not going to do anything that's actually risky to my health, nor will I do anything that's illegal, or likely to get my wife or my kids pissed at me. 3) It's got to be something I can do in 30 minutes or less a day. I don't have more time than that, realistically. 4) I don't want to post my entire medical health history online for obvious reasons. If you have specific questions, please email me and I'll reply. 5) The suggestion can be for physical, mental or spiritual health. I am taking the Chinese approach here. If the winning suggestion is sane and reasonable, I'll do it for a month without complaint, and I'll report to the group the results along the way. Scout's honor. Okay folks - I'm putting my health in your hands here. Help me get from where I am now to a better, healthier me one year from today.

Proud to be an American

2009-01-21T08:18:43Z

Today (before midnight) was Inauguration Day, and while I know the job has just begun for our new president, I am proud to have seen this day come to pass, and to have been an active part of his election. I donated more this year to Barack's campaign than to all other political donations combined. I shared my thoughts and feelings on this candidate many times with many people, and while I didn't make phone calls or go out into the streets, I was a part of this movement. Now we have a President Obama in the White House. I'm exhaling, and I'm ready, so very ready, to engage with politics again, and to have this President get to work and lead our country out of despair and into prosperity. I'm ready to do what I personally need to do to help him, and to follow his leadership. I am looking forward to his press conferences, and his speeches. Oh, how dreamy, finally a President who is thoughtful, intelligent, reasoned and inspired to do good for all Americans. I look at this man and I see the very best that this country has to offer. No man is more deserving to be the leader of the free world in this day than Barack Obama. And yet, there is so much to do, and he's not even started yet. He's got lots of ideas, has made these ideas and plans public, and is poised, but only now has the power been handed to him. I'm sure that the Republicans felt the same way when Bush was elected 8 years ago - there was such a negative energy towards the Clinton administration, that for the right, Bush was their every-man breath of fresh air. He was one of them, in the same way that Obama is one of us. The only difference, is that Obama has been on the presidential path and public stage for over two years, and in that time, he's performed flawlessly, shown integrity and cool, shrewd intellect, and deep compassion. And he's a man who understands working hard in times of hardship - he's the exact right president for today's times. Thank you, Obama, for rising to the challenge and serving your country at a time that would make others quake in their boots and run for the hills. Now, get to work! :)

Weekend of Unplug, Back to the Grind

2009-01-19T18:24:27Z

Hello everyone, I took the weekend off of computer interactions starting Friday evening for Julia's 40th birthday party (a fun time was had by all, with mead on tap and karaoke craziness - Julia had a wonderful time), Saturday was spent recovering and Sunday we took the boys to watch the Harlem Globetrotters at the Oakland Arena, and last night I played the Battlestar Galactica board game from Fantasy Flight games with a couple of friends (totally awesome game - very well made). All blogworthy in their own special way, but mostly I used the weekend to unplug from the computers and destress (although I did have an IT emergency that had to be handled - can never get away from that when you're in the hosting business). The truth is, it's healthy for me to unplug as much as I can, so therefore I think you shouldn't depend on weekend blog posts. However, I do not exclude their possibility. This week is going to be grueling, as we have a beta launch Wednesday and a full launch at the end of the week. We're still wiring the technology together, and it's a day-by-day process. Late double-shift nights in our future, I'm afraid. I'll be in touch.

Mediocre Mead Reception

2009-01-16T07:39:38Z

Today I went to Cowgirl Creamery to have the manager sample my mead, with perhaps the prospect of having it sold in the shop, but I'm pretty sure he was underwhelmed. He seemed to warm to my Blackberry Flower, but didnt' like the Orange Blossom. He found several ways to judiciously tell me he wasn't interested. I know I make a fantastic product, really best of class for meads, but not everyone is a mead drinker. I don't think he's going to carry it, at least not right now. I think it's his loss, really, but you can't account for taste. No matter - on better news, when dropping by the winery today, Paul was meeting with a wine shop owner, and he loved my mead and will be carrying it very soon at Double Crossed Wines. The online shop isn't open yet, but should be soon.

Proposal Pergatory

2009-01-14T07:32:23Z

As a business owner, the most important objective is to bring in new business. The most imperative part of bringing in business is the pitch, and the proposal. The pitch is something I can do pretty solidly, and while I can also write a decent proposal, I'm finding that it's taking a good deal of our collective time for each job. I'd say each proposal is worth about $1000 in and of itself, in equivalent hour value. This means, it's costing us $1000 just to tell a client what we're wanting to charge them and why. Insane, really, if you think about it, and you end up having to build that value right into the bid. Problem is, that time is not valued by the client at all - it's expected to be given to them freely, otherwise how can they even estimate if they should choose your firm versus another firm. If you add in the fact that everyone's job has different parameters, needs, desires and expectations, and if you're trying to extend your model into activities you have not sold before - this leads to a lot of time just thinking, and reworking wording. That's what we're doing right now. We have about eight proposals to get out the door, and they're just taking forever. Add to that our ongoing workload, and you can see how we're just up to our eyelids and unable to rest. But, we have to keep on chasing, and bringing people into the pipeline. We've been relatively successful at the $1k-$3k range for client sites, but we're now moving into the $6k-$12k packages that include not only site design and implementation, but internet marketing campaign management. It's where we need to go if we're going to survive and thrive, and it's a lot to ask of a client, but not if you figure in the absolute necessity of that work, and the total number of hours that actually go into managing an internet marketing campaign, including ad campaign management, search engine optimization, keyword placement, conversion testing, and all the other things necessary to properly administer an online presence. However, budgets are not what they once were, and there's a lot of resistance to paying the proper value for anything in this market. Consumer trends suggest that anything less than 50% off is not considered a bargain right now. If that translates to services, we should be cutting our rates in half - but we aren't. We can't. We have overhead and this stuff just isn't worth it if you're losing money every month. So, I have a feeling we'll be doing a lot of late nights for the next few weeks, spending our time and giving it away for free, so that maybe, just maybe someone will decided to pay us back for our time.

Sleepless in the second shift

2009-01-13T07:49:34Z

I've got little under two weeks until I go to Hawaii, and about two weeks exactly until launch. So that means, I don't sleep until Hawaii. To make matters even better, a contractor from India botched a client's site, and I had to spend the better part of today making it better. I have work to do before I can sleep, and I get to wake up early tomorrow and start all over again. Nothing special to report, just complaining about my life. Oh yeah, tomorrow at 10 am - get to tell the client status. I still am testing the technology, and we haven't implemented. I hope it all works.

On taking a Break, or The Benefits of Intentional Indolence

2009-01-12T06:57:06Z

Two days off the computer means two blog entries that didn't happen, but I desperately needed to stay away from possible client emails or other interactions that would increase my stress level higher than it already is. Instead, I took my Shabbat without electronics, and just hung out like the old days again. Friday night I had a couple good friends over for an all-night marathon game of Battlestar Galactica by Fantasy Flight (if you haven't played this game, it's pretty intense. The rules are complicated enough to keep it interesting, and it's got some really cool mechanisms in it. Saturday I spent the day with my parents, sister, brother-in-law and kids to celebrate my Mom's birthday (she's only 54 - it gets weirder and weirder as I get older how much not older she is than me). We took a quick drive out to Point Reyes (unfortunately Cowgirl Creamery is closed for winter cleaning, and we couldn't visit the cheese bar), then ended up coming home and having grilled ribeyes for dinner. Today I helped transfer mead for a beekeeper's club I did a demo for a few months back, and then we went to the synagogue for Sunday school. I finished the day up with a game of Heroscape with Eli, and now I'm trying to consider doing work while watching all the Chuck episodes for a second time (I've got a serious crush on Yvonne Strahovski a.k.a. Sarah Walker). Feeling still a bit overwhelmed at work - lots to do in a few weeks. I'll keep you updated.